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does anyone else have trust issues except me?
i have this blog that i love sharing with you -- i want you to know that i only share this site with my friends who i trust (except for the fact that its public, so in reality, anybody can see it) But, for those of you who comment regularly, or those of you who i've tried to recruit to visit regularly -- but probably never stop by... the following doesn't apply to you.
i guess in a way my postings are intimate, they are my daily thoughts that i would write in a journal and otherwise keep private. although, i do love your input, so i'll keep posting.
i generally have really good perception, and am very 'intuitive' in a way. (if i'm wrong, feel free to correct me) despite this, i feel like i'm a really bad judge of character. or, in avoidance of being wrong, i try to hold off judgment on people until i've had enough time to get to know them.
this in turn means that i'm weary around new friends or acquaintances. i'm so untrusting, and i can't tell if its for good cause, or if its hindering my ability to form new relationships. also, i already have such a great group of close-knit friends, and i'm not really interested anymore in forming more of those relationships. in a way though, i can't help but wonder if i'm closing myself off from making new, really great friends.
all this stems from hanging out tonight with a new group of people, whom, obviously i don't know very well. and, i'm just weary about peoples true intentions. i've learned to tell when someone is overcompensating for certain insecurities... or trying too hard. one girl tonight was super nice to me, that doesn't seem like a bad thing, right? i just can't help but doubt that her true intentions were that she was "overly" nice, so that must mean that she was faking everything. i don't want to judge her -- but was she being genuine? or covering for something?
its really hard for people, myself included, to really let down our guard and get to know people. only after i really know and care about someone, do i start to show the real me
that's it... good nite friends
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3 comments:
Self protection is a good thing as long as you don't use it to limit yourself or others opportunities to show you that they do care. But I understand not wanting to open up to some people at first. However, some of "those" people have turned out to be some great friends!
I'm the same way, esp around super nice people. I always assume that they have some alterior motive or one day they'll turn on me if I do something they don't like. Maybe some people are just nice or maybe I just feel more comfortable with jadded people like myself :D
I agree with Shyla, to a degree we have to protect ourselves. But we can definitely limit ourselves in the possibilities of new friendships when we do this. I have major trust issues and always question people's intentions - which is part of why I have been hesitant to post a public blog (I have a person at work who would use it against me if she found my blog). Being cautious is good...but don't close yourself off too much. :)
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